Choosing toys for your child

Play is the 'business' of childhood and toys are the tools they use. All kids (and many grown-ups!) love toys and the shops are full of them. So how does one choose?





Keep in mind that where toys are concerned, 'Less is More'

• "The more the merrier" is not necessarily true here. Kids with a cupboard full of toys could still say they are bored. A mass of toys surrounding the child soon loses its novelty and hence its play value.
• Children with fewer toys are more likely to see play possibilities in everyday things around and use their imagination and creativity.

When buying toys

• Make sure the toy is safe - look out for sharp edges, removable parts that could get wedged in the ear, throat or nose, toxic paint, or parts that could break and which could be dangerous or disappointing
• Choose toys that are appropriate for your child's age. Toys often have age-guidelines, but there are no absolutes.
• Buy toys that are unstructured, i.e., can be used in a variety of ways. For instance, building blocks that could be made into a house, a train or a zoo, stimulate the imagination much more than a battery operated toy.
• Buy toys that are durable and sturdy so your child can enjoy playing with them without constantly being afraid that they will break.
• If your child sets her heart on a toy - it's okay to make her wait for it. The toy will be valued more when she does get it.
• Don't buy a toy just because it's labeled 'educational'. If your child does not have fun with it, then it may not be educational at all, because it's never taken out of the toy box!
• Think about space limitations in your child's play and storage areas. Make sure the toy is an appropriate size for your home, especially if you live in a flat.
• Try to buy toys that your child will love and use again and again. The best toys are not necessarily the most expensive but often are the most worn-out because they are used the most!

Getting more pleasure out of toys

• Periodically, rotate your child's toys by putting some away in a cupboard or box and taking others out. Kids love to 'rediscover' their toys and the novelty is retained.
• Teach your child to care for his toys by keeping them (reasonably) clean, handling them correctly and putting them away after play. Bright, well-kept toys are much more fun to play with than broken, dirty ones. 

Should I spank my child

Parenting is a very rewarding experience, but nobody ever said it was easy. One of the major challenges one might face is discipline. When your child's behavior pushes you to the edge, how do you handle it? Do you see spanking as a solution?

Anwita has always been strongly against Corporal Punishment in schools. What is causing her a lot of alarm is that she often finds herself slapping or shaking her 2 year old toddler in exasperation. She doesn’t like doing it but she feels this is the only quick and effective way to control her child’s behavior…

One may feel really frustrated at times, but spanking is not discipline. It is physical punishment and it can hurt your child. When you're stressed and angry, spanking may seem like a quick way to stop misbehavior – but it doesn't work.

Spanking may cause your child to fear you and stop trusting you. Anger, resentment and shame can build up in your child, and this can hurt your relationship. These bad feelings can also hurt your child's self-esteem and ability to have healthy relationships with others.

Extensive research data is now available on the effects of spanking and psychiatrists, sociological researchers and psychologists all agree on the following:

• Babies shouldn’t be spanked.
• Spanking children has been linked with behavior problems, including increased aggression and poor emotional regulation. It’s even been linked with slower mental development.
• Spanking children older than 5 or 6 is a bad idea. Research suggests that older kids are especially susceptible to the negative effects of spanking. They are more likely to become antisocial or distressed. They are also more likely to develop negative relationships with their parents.
• Spanking isn't more effective than non-physical punishments that include reasoning. Current studies suggest that spanking--even the most restrained and careful use of spanking-- is no more effective than disciplinary tactics that combine non-physical punishments with reasoning. When spanking is used as the primary disciplinary method, it is clearly less effective than the alternatives.
• Emotions matter. Research suggests that spankings are most detrimental when parents are angry, cold, or insensitive.

Why Spanking doesn’t work

• Spanking is hitting, and hitting hurts physically, emotionally and socially. It interferes with the bond between parent and child, it is unnatural as humans to feel loving toward someone who hurts us.
• Children who are spanked are more likely to be aggressive. Physical punishment can lead to other problems, like bullying it gives the dangerous message that "might is right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.
• Spanking can result in fear, not respect. A child who fears a parent may learn to hide behavior and lie rather than trust the parent to guide and teach.
• Spanking may get a quick reaction, but next time you may end up hitting harder. And when you're angry and stressed, it's easy to injure your child.
• Spanking doesn't teach the right lesson. It shows a child that hitting is a way to solve problems.

Remember if you are tired, fatigued or stressed you may react by lashing out at your child, it happens to most parents some time or the other. Fortunately, there are steps parents can take to minimize or avoid the likelihood of over-reacting and remain in control at the tipping point. It is important to step back before lashing out, regain perspective and make sure your reaction “fits the crime.” Bear in mind that anything that hurts or scares a child is going too far.

How to prevent going overboard as a parent

1. Take a few deep breaths, step back, and count to 10. Use the time to consider if it’s actually the child you are angry with and not someone else, perhaps even yourself. And for those who believe spanking or hitting is legitimate discipline, remember that experts broadly agree one must never strike a child in anger.
2. Getting away from the house for exercise is a superb way to relieve stress. Make it a habit to take the children for a walk, to the neighborhood park or a playground where they can wear themselves out a bit.
3. Meet friends and talk about children. Conversation with peers offers a change of scene and a brighter perspective.
4. Whenever possible take short breaks from care giving responsibilities. Grab some time to relax during children’s naps or independent play. Brief respites act as safety valves and restore energy so you are less likely to blow if things go wrong.
5. Rely on and arrange for support for times you’re reaching your breaking point. When you feel your blood pressure rising, talking to a friend or family member who understands your children helps you let off steam and gives you a different perspective and the chance to gather your wits. This can be especially important if your child is particularly difficult or has a special need or disability.
6. Arrange for relief–a spouse, relative, neighbor, or hired help–at the hours when children are most challenging. Pre-dinner, for example, is frequently the most difficult time. It’s one of the times you’re most likely to lose your temper because you’re trying to keep children amused and prepare dinner. By then you’re probably exhausted and the children are hungry and cranky. If feasible, handing over responsibility for the kids to the partner can be the greatest help.
7. Focus on what your child has done right if the situation allows, rather than on the judgment error he or she has made.

If you lose your temper and go overboard in a reprimand, own up. Apologizing to your children is a great way to role-model taking responsibility for a mistake. Your children will respect you for it and are likely to say, “its okay”.

How fathers can help with a new baby?

Fathers have traditionally stayed away from their new babies - this was seen as the women's territory. But present-day fathers tend to be much more involved with their children than in previous generations. New mothers learn how to take care of their baby through practice (no, women don't automatically know what to do!) - fathers can too. Ask how you can help and then pitch in.

(Mothers, are you guilty of thinking your husband is too clumsy to take care of that tiny creature? It's his baby too, and he will learn. The pressure on you will reduce, and baby and Dad can learn to enjoy each other)

Even if the grandmother is around to help, the father should get involved because this is important for your bonding as a family.

A father's involvement is particularly valuable when the second baby arrives. He can help the older child with feelings of jealousy and in the process develop a closer bond with her.

• Before the birth: A Father can take over more tasks in caring for the older child, so that when his wife has to go into hospital, the child's familiar routine can be continued.
• Coming out of hospital: When mother first gets home, the father can hold the baby while she hugs and talks to the older child. When mother needs to take care of the baby, he can give the older child his full attention.
• The early days: The mother will have to spend a lot of time with the new baby, and at this point the father can involve the older child in other activities, or take her on special outings.
• Father and new baby: He can also take charge of the new baby so his wife can have time for the older child. In this way, he can develop a relationship with the baby as well.

First Day of school - separation anxiety

Time flew by and none of us realized how fast they had grown up. Gone are the days of diapers and breastfeeding. From their first smile to their first step, from their cries and tantrums to their first fight, each moment truly cherished and treasured. We stand there wondering what it will be like, for them and for us. Will they refuse? Will they be willing? Will there be unbearable cries and a parental need to take them back home? Or worse, will they walk on and not look back? The first day of school anxiety and tensions rise high as both parents and the child wonder what is going to happen next.


What is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is something that almost all children experience at one time or another. It is the distress that children feel when they are separated from a primary caregiver, in most cases the mother. They might feel threatened and unsafe. In this case, the desire to be in contact with missed persons is excessive, extreme homesickness and feelings of misery at not being with loved ones are common.

Separation anxiety usually becomes evident in children beginning when they are around six months of age. This is because by six months of age most infants have developed a very strong attachment to their primary caregivers and this strong attachment leads to feeling of great distress when the primary caregiver and the child must be separated.

Some of the symptoms are:

• Tantrums
• Reluctance or refusal to leave either of the parents
• Repeated physical complaints in the morning before preschool.
• Clinging nature
• Following either parent wherever they go
• Nightmares about separation. Children with separation problems might have scary dreams about their fears.
• Bed wetting

Factors that may contribute to separation anxiety:

• Tiredness
• Minor or major illness
• Changes in the household routine
• Family changes such as birth of a sibling, divorce, death or illness.
• Change in caregiver or routine at day care center.
• Parents usually are not the cause of the separation anxiety, but they can make things worse or better.

How to help reduce the separation anxiety

• Start occasionally by using a babysitter, a helper, taking them to their grandparent’s house or relatives by six months of age. This helps the child tolerate short periods away from the parent and encourages him or her to build trust in other adults.
• Even though children of this age do not engage in cooperative play, what might help is engaging them with peers of the same age, by 12 months. By age three, the child should be experiencing play groups.
• Some form of preschool may be helpful by age 3 or 4. This is especially important for children who seem overly dependent on their parents.

Supporting a child through Separation Anxiety

• When leaving, give a quick kiss and hug and cheerfully say goodbye.
• Don't prolong your departure or come back several times.
• Do not give in. Let the child know that he or she will be all right.
• Leave something behind like transitional objects; blankets, teddies or any other objects of comfort can help a child feel secure.
• Use "key phrases." A key phrase is something that a parent can say that will let their children know that they are getting ready to leave, such as "Good bye. I'll see you soon."
• Avoid making fun of a child's separation distress. Try not to scold child for it.
• Avoid bribing a child, instead spend quality time with them
• Continue with rituals you carry out in the morning and night
• Read books to them, engage in role plays, take them shopping and even walks

Your child needs your constant reassurance that you are there. Once he/she starts getting used to the school routine, their anxiety will slowly reduce and school will start becoming a pleasant experience.

When Parents feel Separation Anxiety
A lot of parents feel extremely nervous when their child begins school. You may worry about your child's adjustment, if your child is being looked after, if your child will be able to make friends, if your child is crying a lot or if you just miss spending time with your child. Your constant worry might even make you want to call up the school just so you can be satisfied, reassured and relieved.

What are some of the things that you can do to deal with this?

• Keep yourself busy by planning and scheduling activities. Get all those things done that were not possible as you were looking after the little one.
• Do something for yourself. Relax, pamper your self at the parlor, exercise or even go shopping for household requirements, take some time out and enjoy the quietness.
• Get support from other parents-get together regularly talk about your child, his/her development, likes and dislikes or share just how much you miss them.
• Talk to yourself out loud that “my child is going to be okay” and “I am going to be okay”.
• Visit family and friends, talk on the phone, email old acquaintances, read a book or even take up a hobby.

Over time, with appropriate measures, separation anxiety will become less intense. Children may, however, experience relapses in separation anxiety such as when they are sick, tired, after a vacation, or if there is a big change in the family like a new sibling or a move. The important thing to remember is that separation anxiety is a normal part of development. Unless the symptoms your child is experiencing are severe or prolonged, there is no need to worry.

Body changes in Puberty - Girls

A girl's body goes through dramatic changes during puberty. Know what to expect so you can prepare your daughter in advance.

Body size & proportions:
There is a rapid increase in height and weight just before menarche (first menstruation) which slows down afterwards. Growth stops around 18 years.

During adolescence, legs are disproportionately long and nose, feet and hands seem too big. Assure her that her features will balance out, muscles increase in size and strength, giving a rounded shape to shoulders arms and legs.

Primary Sex Characteristics:
The internal reproductory organs (uterus & ovaries) grow rapidly.
Menstruation begins most often between the age of 11 and 13, but there are wide variations in age. A girl may have her first period as early as 9 or as late as 18, so she must be told about menstruation by the age of nine. The first menstruation can be very traumatic for a girl if she is unprepared. Periods are likely to be irregular for a year of two. Girls should be told about the need for good personal hygiene and how to use sanitary protection. Explain that increased white vaginal discharge is normal.

Secondary Sex Characteristics:
Hips become wider and round in shape.

Breasts begin to develop after the hips start to enlarge. Nipples enlarge and then breasts become larger and rounder. (At this stage girls may continually wonder why hips/breasts can't be larger or smaller-this is normal adolescent behaviour.)

Hair: Pubic hair appears after breasts and hips have developed. Underarm and facial hair appears after puberty.

Skin becomes coarser and thicker and pores enlarge. The oil glands become more active which could result in acne (pimples) and hair could become oily too. The apocrine glands in the armpits produce perspiration. From now on body odour could become a problem and your teenager must take extra care when bathing.

Voice: A girl?s voice becomes fuller and more melodious.

Girls may become self-conscious or worry when their development is slower or faster than that of their peers. Listen with understanding when your daughter shares her worries, but reassure her that there is a wide range in the age of maturing and that she is definitely "normal".

Toilet training your child

 
Toilet training is a topic that stirs up varying emotions in parents. In some homes, this happens almost uneventfully and in others, it can create major power struggles between parents and children, causing a lot of frustration for both.

If you are preparing to toilet train your toddler, you may want to keep the following aspects in mind.


What to expect when you are getting ready to toilet train your child:

• Most children are ready to be toilet trained between 18-24 months. It is best to consult a pediatrician if your child is not toilet trained by 3 years.
• Some kids become toilet trained even as early as 15 months or as late as 4 years.
• In general, boys may start a little later than girls and also, take longer to be potty trained.
• Daytime dryness is usually achieved first and it could take a few more months for your child to learn to stay dry through the night.
• If your child doesn’t achieve nighttime dryness by age 5, a medical consultation is advisable. However, it is quite common for some children to continue nighttime bedwetting much longer through the school years before it gradually subsides. Behavioural techniques as per the guidance of a medical professional are known to decrease bedwetting.
• It could take anywhere between 3-6 months to toilet train your child successfully.
• Your child is fully toilet trained when he is able to identify that he wants to use the toilet and is able to physically go to the bathroom, adjust his clothing, sit on the toilet and urinate/have a bowel movement.

The common signs that indicate your child is ready to be toilet trained are when he/she:

• Is able to tell when he want to go/have already gone to the toilet through facial expressions, posture, sounds or using words
• Shows irritation and discomfort when diaper is wet or soiled
• Is able to keep diaper dry for at least two hours at a time
• Shows interest in using the toilet
• Tries to imitate others in their bathroom habits

Once you observe these signs in your child, you can begin the process of toilet training by:

• Purchasing either a child seat that can be attached over the regular toilet seat or a portable child-sized potty chair to ensure that your child can sit comfortably and securely on the toilet.
• Making sure that all the people taking care of your child use the same method of toilet training and the same words for body parts as well as toilet routines. For instance, every caregiver takes the child to the toilet an hour after meals and refers to ‘urinating’ as ‘peeing’ and ‘bowel movements’ as ‘pooping’.
• Dressing your child in clothes that he will find easy to remove or pull down on his own when going to the toilet.
• Demonstrating how to sit on the toilet and explaining what you are doing. Encourage the child also to sit on the potty and imitate you.
• Starting a habit where you get your child to sit on the potty whether he actually relieves himself or not, for 5-10 minutes every few hours or at specific times daily such as, an hour after each meal/a large intake of fluids, at wake up time or before bedtime.
• Keeping a portable child toilet seat with you when you go outdoors with your child, so that he can continue the habit of using the bathroom outside the home.
• Placing a small stool under your child’s feet when he is sitting on the toilet. This will help your child to sit more comfortably and also allow him to have a better grip during the bowel movement, rather than when his legs are dangling.
• Getting your child gradually accustomed to cleaning himself after using the toilet, flushing and washing hands.
• Rewarding your child’s participation in the process and his progress through praising his efforts and appropriate behaviours specifically. This will show the child that you noticed and also reinforce the expected behaviour.
• Involving your child in the cleanup process whenever he soils the diaper/clothes or the floor by getting them to throw the dirty diaper or put the dirty clothes for wash or help you wipe the floor. This is effective in motivating your child to go to the bathroom.

When toilet training your child, it is important to avoid:

• Starting the process at a stressful time such as when relocating to a new place, when a new sibling is born or when the child is sick.
• Punishing, ridiculing or scolding if he wets/soils his clothes or shows resistance during the process. Mistakes are bound to happen occasionally and are to be expected, especially when your child is emotionally distressed.
• Being pressured by family members and others into pushing your child to be toilet trained too fast. Be firm that each child learns at their own pace and your child is on the way to be fully toilet trained.
• Getting into a power struggle with your child and trying to force him to participate in the toilet training. This would make him more stubborn and resistant.
• Giving attention to your child only when you correct his toilet habits. He may start enjoying the attention he gets for his ‘wrong’ behaviour and may choose to be uncooperative on purpose in order to continue getting this attention.

Water Play for children

Children love playing with water, and parents often discourage this. But in fact kids can learn a lot from water play, while having lots of fun. Water is familiar to them from their time in the womb and is a kinesthetically pleasurable and calming substance for most children.



1. Bubble blowing
Bubble blowing mix
1 cup dishwashing detergent
2 cups warm water
3 tablespoon glycerin
1/2 teaspoon sugar
A large plastic bowl

Children love to blow bubbles and watch them float around.
Use the recipe given above and supply straws or wire twisted into a loop?then send the kids outdoors for lots of fun.

2. Indoor water play
You can provide a variety of toys for your child to use while having a bath or on a hot day you could give them a bucket or tub of water to play with in the bathroom or on the balcony.

Children learn invaluable mathematical facts from playing with water. They learn concepts like full, empty, volume, float, sink, measurement, conservation, and much more. All you need to do is provide interesting items for experimentation, and occasionally converse with the child, naming objects and concepts and challenging her thinking (eg, ?Which container do you think holds more water ? the tall thin one or the short fat one??)

Some easily available items are listed below (give only a few at a time ? if you offer too many toys, he will just throw them around; he will focus better with fewer materials).

Objects that can float or sink
Give objects and let them see for themselves
Objects which will float:
A wooden spoon
A toy boat
A rubber/ plastic ball
Objects which will sink:
Keys
Stones
Paper clips
A metal button

Other materials:
Tea strainer or colander
Eyedropper
Squeeze bottles
Containers of different sizes and shapes
Spoons
Sponges
Funnels

3. Painting with water
Material
Small bucket
Large Paint brush

Method
Fill the bucket with water and give the brush to the child to paint an exterior ? a tree, fence or wall.

4. Sponge Play
Material
Sponge
Two containers

Method
Fill one container with water and leave the other empty. Get your child to transfer the water from one container to the other using the sponge. The child will learn about the absorbent property of the sponge, while developing hand coordination and strength.