All this may sound familiar to many parents whose children are appearing for exams, especially the board exam. And to some it may sound extreme. Parents have different ways of dealing with the pressure of a child's exams. Given the stiff competition in every sphere of life, one can understand a parent's anxiety to ensure that the child performs well. However, if parents really want to help their children they need to be realistic and balanced in their approach. It would then be imperative to know what are the factors that are counterproductive to performance and then work towards overcoming them.
Counterproductive Influences
Getting over-anxious - Research suggests despite best intentions parents often transfer their anxieties to their child, which does more harm than good. A sense of constant anxiety would interfere with the child's ability to concentrate and learn. It may also lead to complete panic on the day of the exam.
Unrealistic expectations - Given the competitive times we all want our child to get into a good college. A parent could end up putting undue pressure or having unrealistic expectations that may stress the child. If children feel that the expectations are too high, the fear of failure prevents them from even putting in efforts to do what they are capable of.
Comparisons - All children are not alike. Comparisons with siblings, friends, and peers can cause a lot of psychological turmoil, which is the last thing one would want at this time. The turmoil comes from feeling "not good enough" and undermining their own abilities.
Poor Study Habits - Having no schedules and routine for studying, no designated study area as well as having no time to de-stress can be counterproductive. Studies become unstructured and not being allowed to de-stress can make them feel saturated which would not be helpful.
Negating Counterproductive Influences
Developing Effective Study Habits:
- Provide a quiet, well-lit room away from distractions, for the child to study.
- Encourage the child to make a timetable and follow it. If you don't want a rebel on your hands do not force your decisions on your child instead involve the child in the process of making a time table and help him decide the time he would like to devote to studies.
- For more points read my article on Effective Study Skills.
Allowing time to unwind and de-stress:
· It is important for the child to remain relaxed during the exams and extremely important for them to be able to do some of the activities that make them feel happy and relaxed as they are preparing.
· The child should be encouraged to fit in his TV viewing or other leisure activity in the timetable. The activity should be of their choice? something that they enjoy like basketball, speaking with friends, listening to music, surfing the internet etc. Not putting too many restrictions will keep a balanced approach and give the child enough freedom and support to make the right choices.
Lifestyle factors:
- Teach the child relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation etc. to deal with anxiety or the stress which he /she may be feeling.
- Ensure that the child eats a healthy diet. Avoid fatty foods or foods high in sugar... Try to include nuts and fresh fruits as snacks.
- Make sure the child gets adequate sleep? that will help concentrate better
For The ParentsTo help children do well parents first need to deal with their own anxiety and stress.
· Don't make too many changes in your daily life, because your child is having exams. Do not create hype about the exams and be as normal as possible.
- Do not make discussion of studies and exams the only topic of conversation with friends.
- Engage in de-stressing activities for yourself for example, continue your walks, talk to friends, eat and sleep. This will keep your physical and emotional reserves high, and allow you to be more effective in dealing with the children.
- Encourage your child to do their best but do not pressurize them to perform beyond her/his capabilities. Keep a positive attitude about the exam.
- Recognize that children are children ? if they were responsible and did everything they were supposed to when they were expected to there would be no need for parents to be around! Cut them some extra slack at exam times.
- Talk to a professional if you find yourself doing things that even you at some point recognize as not being entirely 'normal' such as anger outbursts, inability to sleep, inability to talk to your child about anything else except studying.
But all this will be wasted unless children know that parents love and accept them unconditionally, and regardless of their performance in school.Hence, one must constantly reiterate to the children not only in word but also through actions, that they are loved and valued for who they are, irrespective of their school performance. This goes a long way in decreasing the pressure and anxiety, which as we all know, has the potential to push one over the edge.
