Renuka is a mother of two kids, 3 year old son Rehan and 5 year old daughter Rachita who is extremely timid and shy. What worries her is that although Rachita has been attending school for the past six months she has not made any friends yet; she comes home complaining that no one plays with her and is not very keen to go to school. In front of strangers she is tongue tied and tends to cling to her mother outside home.
Rachita is just one of the many children who are shy .Shyness in children is quite natural but it shouldn't become an impediment in their personality development. Here are some ways in which parents can help their children overcome shyness and develop into confident and balanced individuals.
Why is it necessary to deal with Shyness in children
Though shy and timid children are easier to manage, extreme shyness, if not overcome early, can lead to a low self esteem in children and overall inhibition of personality development? Children, who do not overcome their shyness while growing up, become lonesome adults later with poorly developed social skills.
Causes of Shyness in Children
Shyness in children could be genetic or a learnt behavior. Majority of causes leading to shyness are related to how these children are nurtured while growing up. Here are some of the reasons for extreme shyness in children.
Extreme Emotional Sensitivity
Some children are born to be much more sensitive and vulnerable than others. They need to be handled delicately. Insensitivity to their feelings makes them go in to a shell. They are too scared to subject themselves to new things for fear of getting hurt.
Parents as Role Models
Children learn every thing through imitation. If parents themselves are not that outgoing and shy by nature, then shyness in their children is highly probable.
Insecurity
Insecurity can lead to shyness in children. Children who have abusive parents tend to be insecure and shy by nature.
Harsh Criticism by Parents
Another reason might be over critical and dominating parents. Children are pushed into a shell when they are criticized so much, that they fear making mistakes. This fear of making mistakes leads to shyness, as they want to shield themselves from criticism.
Low Confidence
Lack of self esteem and self confidence leads to shyness in children. This low confidence may have been induced by peer pressure, comparison with siblings or even bullying in school.
Prolonged Isolation
When a child is subjected to prolonged isolation from society, he/she never gets an opportunity to learn social cues and develop social interaction skills. When such a child is subjected to a social interaction suddenly, it makes him/her very uncomfortable and shy. That bad experience further lowers their confidence in social interaction, which isolates them even more.
What can parents do to help children overcome shyness?
The good news is that shyness in children can be successfully overcome. As parents, all that you need to do is to be patient and understanding .
Understand the reason why and in what situations the child is shy
Children are shy in different ways for different reasons.
Is your child shy in groups? At parties? Meeting new people? In novel situations? Or, pretty much everywhere? Does your child have trouble eating in public? Playing with other children? Making phone calls? Or, is your child only shy when s/he has to make a presentation in front of the class at school? Knowing the nature of you child's shyness will help you identify the specific skills your child needs to be more at ease in social situations.
Set an example for the child
Children learn a great deal through observing the behavior of parents and others. Parents who want their children to act more outgoing should themselves act outgoing whenever possible in front of the children.
Teach social skills early.
When it comes to social skills, the earlier you begin teaching them the better. The prevalence of shyness among children is believed to increase with age.
Encourage your child to meet new people and make friends. Give him an opportunity to know other people in family and school. Encourage participation is sports and other activities. Help the child practice interacting with others. Some children do not know what to say in certain situations, such as when they meet a new child. It's surprising how something as simple as helping your child learn to smile and say "hi" to other children can make a difference. Expose the child to unfamiliar settings and people. The more practice they get interacting with unfamiliar people the faster the shyness will decrease. Prompt the child to interact with others, in restaurants while ordering, at airports asking for information, or just thanking the shopkeeper.
Make Them Feel Secure
Shy people, tend to worry a lot. They are afraid things won't turn out the way they want them to and therefore avoid social interaction for fear of rejection. It's hard for a child to see that failure is a natural part of learning.
Parents need to make the child understand that it's okay to make mistakes. Let them feel secure and know that you are there for them. Make them understand that everybody fails at the start and it is okay if they take their own time in learning things. One of the most important things you can teach your children is that failure provides the feedback we need to become good at the things we choose to do. The ability to see failures as feedback---as information about what we need to do next---strengthens our confidence by reminding us that just because we didn't succeed at first, doesn't mean we won't succeed in the end
Help your child identify talents and hobbies that give them opportunities to grow
Encourage your children to develop passions early in life. Remember that the more things your children do in life, the more things they will have to share with other people and the easier it will be for them to connect. For a shy child, the ability to connect with another child is what they need to develop in order to overcome shyness.
- Identify activities that take advantage of your child's strengths. Is your child athletic? Artistic? Neat and organized? Good at math? Loves to read? Good at building things? What holds his/her attention? What is least likely to discourage him/her? And find activities that take advantage of those strengths.
- If your child is very shy and unwilling to attend group activities, start with solitary activities at first--like music lessons, arts and crafts projects out of books, practicing basketball in a hoop at home. Then, as your child gains more confidence, arrange opportunities for him/her to get guidance from other adults and gradually---to share his/her interest with children his/her own age.
Prevent labeling of the child as "shy".
Children who are told that they are shy tend to start thinking of themselves as shy and stop making any effort to change.
When in doubt seek professional help.
With sensitive and patient handling most children outgrow their shyness .However sometimes children maybe struggling with more than shyness , particularly if your child is challenged by a non-verbal learning disability or if you have a history of anxiety disorders, depression or substance abuse in your family - consider getting professional help.
