Choosing toys for your child

Play is the 'business' of childhood and toys are the tools they use. All kids (and many grown-ups!) love toys and the shops are full of them. So how does one choose?





Keep in mind that where toys are concerned, 'Less is More'

• "The more the merrier" is not necessarily true here. Kids with a cupboard full of toys could still say they are bored. A mass of toys surrounding the child soon loses its novelty and hence its play value.
• Children with fewer toys are more likely to see play possibilities in everyday things around and use their imagination and creativity.

When buying toys

• Make sure the toy is safe - look out for sharp edges, removable parts that could get wedged in the ear, throat or nose, toxic paint, or parts that could break and which could be dangerous or disappointing
• Choose toys that are appropriate for your child's age. Toys often have age-guidelines, but there are no absolutes.
• Buy toys that are unstructured, i.e., can be used in a variety of ways. For instance, building blocks that could be made into a house, a train or a zoo, stimulate the imagination much more than a battery operated toy.
• Buy toys that are durable and sturdy so your child can enjoy playing with them without constantly being afraid that they will break.
• If your child sets her heart on a toy - it's okay to make her wait for it. The toy will be valued more when she does get it.
• Don't buy a toy just because it's labeled 'educational'. If your child does not have fun with it, then it may not be educational at all, because it's never taken out of the toy box!
• Think about space limitations in your child's play and storage areas. Make sure the toy is an appropriate size for your home, especially if you live in a flat.
• Try to buy toys that your child will love and use again and again. The best toys are not necessarily the most expensive but often are the most worn-out because they are used the most!

Getting more pleasure out of toys

• Periodically, rotate your child's toys by putting some away in a cupboard or box and taking others out. Kids love to 'rediscover' their toys and the novelty is retained.
• Teach your child to care for his toys by keeping them (reasonably) clean, handling them correctly and putting them away after play. Bright, well-kept toys are much more fun to play with than broken, dirty ones. 

Should I spank my child

Parenting is a very rewarding experience, but nobody ever said it was easy. One of the major challenges one might face is discipline. When your child's behavior pushes you to the edge, how do you handle it? Do you see spanking as a solution?

Anwita has always been strongly against Corporal Punishment in schools. What is causing her a lot of alarm is that she often finds herself slapping or shaking her 2 year old toddler in exasperation. She doesn’t like doing it but she feels this is the only quick and effective way to control her child’s behavior…

One may feel really frustrated at times, but spanking is not discipline. It is physical punishment and it can hurt your child. When you're stressed and angry, spanking may seem like a quick way to stop misbehavior – but it doesn't work.

Spanking may cause your child to fear you and stop trusting you. Anger, resentment and shame can build up in your child, and this can hurt your relationship. These bad feelings can also hurt your child's self-esteem and ability to have healthy relationships with others.

Extensive research data is now available on the effects of spanking and psychiatrists, sociological researchers and psychologists all agree on the following:

• Babies shouldn’t be spanked.
• Spanking children has been linked with behavior problems, including increased aggression and poor emotional regulation. It’s even been linked with slower mental development.
• Spanking children older than 5 or 6 is a bad idea. Research suggests that older kids are especially susceptible to the negative effects of spanking. They are more likely to become antisocial or distressed. They are also more likely to develop negative relationships with their parents.
• Spanking isn't more effective than non-physical punishments that include reasoning. Current studies suggest that spanking--even the most restrained and careful use of spanking-- is no more effective than disciplinary tactics that combine non-physical punishments with reasoning. When spanking is used as the primary disciplinary method, it is clearly less effective than the alternatives.
• Emotions matter. Research suggests that spankings are most detrimental when parents are angry, cold, or insensitive.

Why Spanking doesn’t work

• Spanking is hitting, and hitting hurts physically, emotionally and socially. It interferes with the bond between parent and child, it is unnatural as humans to feel loving toward someone who hurts us.
• Children who are spanked are more likely to be aggressive. Physical punishment can lead to other problems, like bullying it gives the dangerous message that "might is right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.
• Spanking can result in fear, not respect. A child who fears a parent may learn to hide behavior and lie rather than trust the parent to guide and teach.
• Spanking may get a quick reaction, but next time you may end up hitting harder. And when you're angry and stressed, it's easy to injure your child.
• Spanking doesn't teach the right lesson. It shows a child that hitting is a way to solve problems.

Remember if you are tired, fatigued or stressed you may react by lashing out at your child, it happens to most parents some time or the other. Fortunately, there are steps parents can take to minimize or avoid the likelihood of over-reacting and remain in control at the tipping point. It is important to step back before lashing out, regain perspective and make sure your reaction “fits the crime.” Bear in mind that anything that hurts or scares a child is going too far.

How to prevent going overboard as a parent

1. Take a few deep breaths, step back, and count to 10. Use the time to consider if it’s actually the child you are angry with and not someone else, perhaps even yourself. And for those who believe spanking or hitting is legitimate discipline, remember that experts broadly agree one must never strike a child in anger.
2. Getting away from the house for exercise is a superb way to relieve stress. Make it a habit to take the children for a walk, to the neighborhood park or a playground where they can wear themselves out a bit.
3. Meet friends and talk about children. Conversation with peers offers a change of scene and a brighter perspective.
4. Whenever possible take short breaks from care giving responsibilities. Grab some time to relax during children’s naps or independent play. Brief respites act as safety valves and restore energy so you are less likely to blow if things go wrong.
5. Rely on and arrange for support for times you’re reaching your breaking point. When you feel your blood pressure rising, talking to a friend or family member who understands your children helps you let off steam and gives you a different perspective and the chance to gather your wits. This can be especially important if your child is particularly difficult or has a special need or disability.
6. Arrange for relief–a spouse, relative, neighbor, or hired help–at the hours when children are most challenging. Pre-dinner, for example, is frequently the most difficult time. It’s one of the times you’re most likely to lose your temper because you’re trying to keep children amused and prepare dinner. By then you’re probably exhausted and the children are hungry and cranky. If feasible, handing over responsibility for the kids to the partner can be the greatest help.
7. Focus on what your child has done right if the situation allows, rather than on the judgment error he or she has made.

If you lose your temper and go overboard in a reprimand, own up. Apologizing to your children is a great way to role-model taking responsibility for a mistake. Your children will respect you for it and are likely to say, “its okay”.

How fathers can help with a new baby?

Fathers have traditionally stayed away from their new babies - this was seen as the women's territory. But present-day fathers tend to be much more involved with their children than in previous generations. New mothers learn how to take care of their baby through practice (no, women don't automatically know what to do!) - fathers can too. Ask how you can help and then pitch in.

(Mothers, are you guilty of thinking your husband is too clumsy to take care of that tiny creature? It's his baby too, and he will learn. The pressure on you will reduce, and baby and Dad can learn to enjoy each other)

Even if the grandmother is around to help, the father should get involved because this is important for your bonding as a family.

A father's involvement is particularly valuable when the second baby arrives. He can help the older child with feelings of jealousy and in the process develop a closer bond with her.

• Before the birth: A Father can take over more tasks in caring for the older child, so that when his wife has to go into hospital, the child's familiar routine can be continued.
• Coming out of hospital: When mother first gets home, the father can hold the baby while she hugs and talks to the older child. When mother needs to take care of the baby, he can give the older child his full attention.
• The early days: The mother will have to spend a lot of time with the new baby, and at this point the father can involve the older child in other activities, or take her on special outings.
• Father and new baby: He can also take charge of the new baby so his wife can have time for the older child. In this way, he can develop a relationship with the baby as well.

First Day of school - separation anxiety

Time flew by and none of us realized how fast they had grown up. Gone are the days of diapers and breastfeeding. From their first smile to their first step, from their cries and tantrums to their first fight, each moment truly cherished and treasured. We stand there wondering what it will be like, for them and for us. Will they refuse? Will they be willing? Will there be unbearable cries and a parental need to take them back home? Or worse, will they walk on and not look back? The first day of school anxiety and tensions rise high as both parents and the child wonder what is going to happen next.


What is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is something that almost all children experience at one time or another. It is the distress that children feel when they are separated from a primary caregiver, in most cases the mother. They might feel threatened and unsafe. In this case, the desire to be in contact with missed persons is excessive, extreme homesickness and feelings of misery at not being with loved ones are common.

Separation anxiety usually becomes evident in children beginning when they are around six months of age. This is because by six months of age most infants have developed a very strong attachment to their primary caregivers and this strong attachment leads to feeling of great distress when the primary caregiver and the child must be separated.

Some of the symptoms are:

• Tantrums
• Reluctance or refusal to leave either of the parents
• Repeated physical complaints in the morning before preschool.
• Clinging nature
• Following either parent wherever they go
• Nightmares about separation. Children with separation problems might have scary dreams about their fears.
• Bed wetting

Factors that may contribute to separation anxiety:

• Tiredness
• Minor or major illness
• Changes in the household routine
• Family changes such as birth of a sibling, divorce, death or illness.
• Change in caregiver or routine at day care center.
• Parents usually are not the cause of the separation anxiety, but they can make things worse or better.

How to help reduce the separation anxiety

• Start occasionally by using a babysitter, a helper, taking them to their grandparent’s house or relatives by six months of age. This helps the child tolerate short periods away from the parent and encourages him or her to build trust in other adults.
• Even though children of this age do not engage in cooperative play, what might help is engaging them with peers of the same age, by 12 months. By age three, the child should be experiencing play groups.
• Some form of preschool may be helpful by age 3 or 4. This is especially important for children who seem overly dependent on their parents.

Supporting a child through Separation Anxiety

• When leaving, give a quick kiss and hug and cheerfully say goodbye.
• Don't prolong your departure or come back several times.
• Do not give in. Let the child know that he or she will be all right.
• Leave something behind like transitional objects; blankets, teddies or any other objects of comfort can help a child feel secure.
• Use "key phrases." A key phrase is something that a parent can say that will let their children know that they are getting ready to leave, such as "Good bye. I'll see you soon."
• Avoid making fun of a child's separation distress. Try not to scold child for it.
• Avoid bribing a child, instead spend quality time with them
• Continue with rituals you carry out in the morning and night
• Read books to them, engage in role plays, take them shopping and even walks

Your child needs your constant reassurance that you are there. Once he/she starts getting used to the school routine, their anxiety will slowly reduce and school will start becoming a pleasant experience.

When Parents feel Separation Anxiety
A lot of parents feel extremely nervous when their child begins school. You may worry about your child's adjustment, if your child is being looked after, if your child will be able to make friends, if your child is crying a lot or if you just miss spending time with your child. Your constant worry might even make you want to call up the school just so you can be satisfied, reassured and relieved.

What are some of the things that you can do to deal with this?

• Keep yourself busy by planning and scheduling activities. Get all those things done that were not possible as you were looking after the little one.
• Do something for yourself. Relax, pamper your self at the parlor, exercise or even go shopping for household requirements, take some time out and enjoy the quietness.
• Get support from other parents-get together regularly talk about your child, his/her development, likes and dislikes or share just how much you miss them.
• Talk to yourself out loud that “my child is going to be okay” and “I am going to be okay”.
• Visit family and friends, talk on the phone, email old acquaintances, read a book or even take up a hobby.

Over time, with appropriate measures, separation anxiety will become less intense. Children may, however, experience relapses in separation anxiety such as when they are sick, tired, after a vacation, or if there is a big change in the family like a new sibling or a move. The important thing to remember is that separation anxiety is a normal part of development. Unless the symptoms your child is experiencing are severe or prolonged, there is no need to worry.

Body changes in Puberty - Girls

A girl's body goes through dramatic changes during puberty. Know what to expect so you can prepare your daughter in advance.

Body size & proportions:
There is a rapid increase in height and weight just before menarche (first menstruation) which slows down afterwards. Growth stops around 18 years.

During adolescence, legs are disproportionately long and nose, feet and hands seem too big. Assure her that her features will balance out, muscles increase in size and strength, giving a rounded shape to shoulders arms and legs.

Primary Sex Characteristics:
The internal reproductory organs (uterus & ovaries) grow rapidly.
Menstruation begins most often between the age of 11 and 13, but there are wide variations in age. A girl may have her first period as early as 9 or as late as 18, so she must be told about menstruation by the age of nine. The first menstruation can be very traumatic for a girl if she is unprepared. Periods are likely to be irregular for a year of two. Girls should be told about the need for good personal hygiene and how to use sanitary protection. Explain that increased white vaginal discharge is normal.

Secondary Sex Characteristics:
Hips become wider and round in shape.

Breasts begin to develop after the hips start to enlarge. Nipples enlarge and then breasts become larger and rounder. (At this stage girls may continually wonder why hips/breasts can't be larger or smaller-this is normal adolescent behaviour.)

Hair: Pubic hair appears after breasts and hips have developed. Underarm and facial hair appears after puberty.

Skin becomes coarser and thicker and pores enlarge. The oil glands become more active which could result in acne (pimples) and hair could become oily too. The apocrine glands in the armpits produce perspiration. From now on body odour could become a problem and your teenager must take extra care when bathing.

Voice: A girl?s voice becomes fuller and more melodious.

Girls may become self-conscious or worry when their development is slower or faster than that of their peers. Listen with understanding when your daughter shares her worries, but reassure her that there is a wide range in the age of maturing and that she is definitely "normal".

Toilet training your child

 
Toilet training is a topic that stirs up varying emotions in parents. In some homes, this happens almost uneventfully and in others, it can create major power struggles between parents and children, causing a lot of frustration for both.

If you are preparing to toilet train your toddler, you may want to keep the following aspects in mind.


What to expect when you are getting ready to toilet train your child:

• Most children are ready to be toilet trained between 18-24 months. It is best to consult a pediatrician if your child is not toilet trained by 3 years.
• Some kids become toilet trained even as early as 15 months or as late as 4 years.
• In general, boys may start a little later than girls and also, take longer to be potty trained.
• Daytime dryness is usually achieved first and it could take a few more months for your child to learn to stay dry through the night.
• If your child doesn’t achieve nighttime dryness by age 5, a medical consultation is advisable. However, it is quite common for some children to continue nighttime bedwetting much longer through the school years before it gradually subsides. Behavioural techniques as per the guidance of a medical professional are known to decrease bedwetting.
• It could take anywhere between 3-6 months to toilet train your child successfully.
• Your child is fully toilet trained when he is able to identify that he wants to use the toilet and is able to physically go to the bathroom, adjust his clothing, sit on the toilet and urinate/have a bowel movement.

The common signs that indicate your child is ready to be toilet trained are when he/she:

• Is able to tell when he want to go/have already gone to the toilet through facial expressions, posture, sounds or using words
• Shows irritation and discomfort when diaper is wet or soiled
• Is able to keep diaper dry for at least two hours at a time
• Shows interest in using the toilet
• Tries to imitate others in their bathroom habits

Once you observe these signs in your child, you can begin the process of toilet training by:

• Purchasing either a child seat that can be attached over the regular toilet seat or a portable child-sized potty chair to ensure that your child can sit comfortably and securely on the toilet.
• Making sure that all the people taking care of your child use the same method of toilet training and the same words for body parts as well as toilet routines. For instance, every caregiver takes the child to the toilet an hour after meals and refers to ‘urinating’ as ‘peeing’ and ‘bowel movements’ as ‘pooping’.
• Dressing your child in clothes that he will find easy to remove or pull down on his own when going to the toilet.
• Demonstrating how to sit on the toilet and explaining what you are doing. Encourage the child also to sit on the potty and imitate you.
• Starting a habit where you get your child to sit on the potty whether he actually relieves himself or not, for 5-10 minutes every few hours or at specific times daily such as, an hour after each meal/a large intake of fluids, at wake up time or before bedtime.
• Keeping a portable child toilet seat with you when you go outdoors with your child, so that he can continue the habit of using the bathroom outside the home.
• Placing a small stool under your child’s feet when he is sitting on the toilet. This will help your child to sit more comfortably and also allow him to have a better grip during the bowel movement, rather than when his legs are dangling.
• Getting your child gradually accustomed to cleaning himself after using the toilet, flushing and washing hands.
• Rewarding your child’s participation in the process and his progress through praising his efforts and appropriate behaviours specifically. This will show the child that you noticed and also reinforce the expected behaviour.
• Involving your child in the cleanup process whenever he soils the diaper/clothes or the floor by getting them to throw the dirty diaper or put the dirty clothes for wash or help you wipe the floor. This is effective in motivating your child to go to the bathroom.

When toilet training your child, it is important to avoid:

• Starting the process at a stressful time such as when relocating to a new place, when a new sibling is born or when the child is sick.
• Punishing, ridiculing or scolding if he wets/soils his clothes or shows resistance during the process. Mistakes are bound to happen occasionally and are to be expected, especially when your child is emotionally distressed.
• Being pressured by family members and others into pushing your child to be toilet trained too fast. Be firm that each child learns at their own pace and your child is on the way to be fully toilet trained.
• Getting into a power struggle with your child and trying to force him to participate in the toilet training. This would make him more stubborn and resistant.
• Giving attention to your child only when you correct his toilet habits. He may start enjoying the attention he gets for his ‘wrong’ behaviour and may choose to be uncooperative on purpose in order to continue getting this attention.

Water Play for children

Children love playing with water, and parents often discourage this. But in fact kids can learn a lot from water play, while having lots of fun. Water is familiar to them from their time in the womb and is a kinesthetically pleasurable and calming substance for most children.



1. Bubble blowing
Bubble blowing mix
1 cup dishwashing detergent
2 cups warm water
3 tablespoon glycerin
1/2 teaspoon sugar
A large plastic bowl

Children love to blow bubbles and watch them float around.
Use the recipe given above and supply straws or wire twisted into a loop?then send the kids outdoors for lots of fun.

2. Indoor water play
You can provide a variety of toys for your child to use while having a bath or on a hot day you could give them a bucket or tub of water to play with in the bathroom or on the balcony.

Children learn invaluable mathematical facts from playing with water. They learn concepts like full, empty, volume, float, sink, measurement, conservation, and much more. All you need to do is provide interesting items for experimentation, and occasionally converse with the child, naming objects and concepts and challenging her thinking (eg, ?Which container do you think holds more water ? the tall thin one or the short fat one??)

Some easily available items are listed below (give only a few at a time ? if you offer too many toys, he will just throw them around; he will focus better with fewer materials).

Objects that can float or sink
Give objects and let them see for themselves
Objects which will float:
A wooden spoon
A toy boat
A rubber/ plastic ball
Objects which will sink:
Keys
Stones
Paper clips
A metal button

Other materials:
Tea strainer or colander
Eyedropper
Squeeze bottles
Containers of different sizes and shapes
Spoons
Sponges
Funnels

3. Painting with water
Material
Small bucket
Large Paint brush

Method
Fill the bucket with water and give the brush to the child to paint an exterior ? a tree, fence or wall.

4. Sponge Play
Material
Sponge
Two containers

Method
Fill one container with water and leave the other empty. Get your child to transfer the water from one container to the other using the sponge. The child will learn about the absorbent property of the sponge, while developing hand coordination and strength.

Exam Time - Stressful time

All this may sound familiar to many parents whose children are appearing for exams, especially the board exam. And to some it may sound extreme. Parents have different ways of dealing with the pressure of a child's exams. Given the stiff competition in every sphere of life, one can understand a parent's anxiety to ensure that the child performs well. However, if parents really want to help their children they need to be realistic and balanced in their approach. It would then be imperative to know what are the factors that are counterproductive to performance and then work towards overcoming them.

Counterproductive Influences

Getting over-anxious - Research suggests despite best intentions parents often transfer their anxieties to their child, which does more harm than good. A sense of constant anxiety would interfere with the child's ability to concentrate and learn. It may also lead to complete panic on the day of the exam.

Unrealistic expectations - Given the competitive times we all want our child to get into a good college. A parent could end up putting undue pressure or having unrealistic expectations that may stress the child. If children feel that the expectations are too high, the fear of failure prevents them from even putting in efforts to do what they are capable of.

Comparisons - All children are not alike. Comparisons with siblings, friends, and peers can cause a lot of psychological turmoil, which is the last thing one would want at this time. The turmoil comes from feeling "not good enough" and undermining their own abilities.

Poor Study Habits - Having no schedules and routine for studying, no designated study area as well as having no time to de-stress can be counterproductive. Studies become unstructured and not being allowed to de-stress can make them feel saturated which would not be helpful.

Negating Counterproductive Influences

Developing Effective Study Habits:

• Provide a quiet, well-lit room away from distractions, for the child to study.
• Encourage the child to make a timetable and follow it. If you don't want a rebel on your hands do not force your decisions on your child instead involve the child in the process of making a time table and help him decide the time he would like to devote to studies.
• For more points read my article on Effective Study Skills.

Allowing time to unwind and de-stress:

·         It is important for the child to remain relaxed during the exams and extremely important for them to be able to do some of the activities that make them feel happy and relaxed as they are preparing.

·         The child should be encouraged to fit in his TV viewing or other leisure activity in the timetable. The activity should be of their choice? something that they enjoy like basketball, speaking with friends, listening to music, surfing the internet etc. Not putting too many restrictions will keep a balanced approach and give the child enough freedom and support to make the right choices.

Lifestyle factors:

• Teach the child relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation etc. to deal with anxiety or the stress which he /she may be feeling.
• Ensure that the child eats a healthy diet. Avoid fatty foods or foods high in sugar... Try to include nuts and fresh fruits as snacks.
• Make sure the child gets adequate sleep? that will help concentrate better

For The ParentsTo help children do well parents first need to deal with their own anxiety and stress.

·         Don't make too many changes in your daily life, because your child is having exams. Do not create hype about the exams and be as normal as possible.

• Do not make discussion of studies and exams the only topic of conversation with friends.
• Engage in de-stressing activities for yourself for example, continue your walks, talk to friends, eat and sleep. This will keep your physical and emotional reserves high, and allow you to be more effective in dealing with the children.
• Encourage your child to do their best but do not pressurize them to perform beyond her/his capabilities. Keep a positive attitude about the exam.
• Recognize that children are children ? if they were responsible and did everything they were supposed to when they were expected to there would be no need for parents to be around! Cut them some extra slack at exam times.
• Talk to a professional if you find yourself doing things that even you at some point recognize as not being entirely 'normal' such as  anger outbursts, inability to sleep, inability to talk to your child about anything else except studying.

But all this will be wasted unless children know that parents love and accept them unconditionally, and regardless of their performance in school.Hence, one must constantly reiterate to the children not only in word but also through actions, that they are loved and valued for who they are, irrespective of their school performance. This goes a long way in decreasing the pressure and anxiety, which as we all know, has the potential to push one over the edge.

Effective study skills

When to Study.

1. Plan the week's study ahead.
2. Sessions should be from one to three hours.
3. Study most difficult subject early in study
4. Have a definite break every hour.
5. Avoid late hours.
6. Plan some time for relaxation and recreation.

Where to Study

1. Always in the same place.
2. Choose a well-ventilated room with good lighting.
3. Away from other distractions.
4. Properly furnished for the job.

Attention and Interest

1. Remove irrelevant and unwanted stimuli eg noise, hunger.
2. Suppress unwanted thoughts by quickly switching to topic under study and work at a good pace.
3. Understand what you are studying.
4. Take a lively interest in the subject outside your study hours

Memory and Learning

1. Never try to memorise what you don't understand.
2. Go over notes, reading etc within 12 hours of writing or reading.
3. Master each topic before leaving it.
4. Start each session with a review of the previous session.
5. Overlearn. Don't stop when you have only just mastered something.
6. Select important points to learn.
7. Organise selected items.
8. Use active recall (recitation or writing )* to aid memory.
9. Break up long pieces into manageable chunks.
10. Use rhythm when learning by heart.

Active Study Strategies

Reciting:

1. Describe or explain aloud any topic in your own words.
2. Teach or explain information to someone else.

Writing

1. Make a study review card for each topic with main ideas, key events and people, causes and results and so on.
2. Draw a diagram, map or chart from memory and check your book for accuracy.
3. Write questions you think could be asked in the exam and recite the answers.

Children and Television (TV)

How many hours does your child spend in front of the TV everyday? Many of us are convinced that our kids (and we ourselves!) cannot live without TV. TV keeps our children entertained and no doubt there are many good programmes on TV that can really be beneficial. But lets take a look at all the things that your child is missing when watching TV.

Television prevents a child from doing the following:

1. Scanning, sifting and analyzing information and then applying it to everyday situations. 
2. Practicing motor skills, be they gross or fine. 
3. Practicing co-ordination of eyes and hands.
4. Using more than two senses at a time to expand the appreciation of his environment. 
5. Asking questions and receiving helpful educational answers. 
6. Exploring and using his curiosity. 
7. Exercising initiative or motivation. 
8. Being challenged 
9. Thinking analytically 
10. Using his imagination 
11. Practicing communication skills. 
12. Improving verbal skills 
13. Writing and reading. 
14. Being either creative or constructive 
15. It does not promote the ability to concentrate for long periods because of its flicker 
16. It does not promote logical, sequential thinking because the action shifts constantly backwards and forwards and laterally in time.

Most experts recommend not more than one hour of TV viewing on weekdays and two hours on weekends.

What can you do to discourage excessive TV viewing? 

• Do not put a TV in your child?s room.
• Set a maximum time that your child can watch TV per day / week. Make agreements with your child on specific, acceptable programs, and specific time for viewing.
• Insist that your children complete their homework before watching TV, and do not keep the TV on while homework is being done.
• Switch OFF the TV at mealtimes.
• Set an example: There?s no getting away from this! If your child sees you watching TV whenever you are free, you can hardly expect him to be different.
• Introduce your child to alternate activities.

Here are some activities that children usually enjoy that do NOT involve TV:

• Outdoor play
• Music
• Reading
• Board games
• Card games
• Building blocks
• Hobbies and crafts
• Household chores
• Pretend play, dressing up in adults, clothes
• Walks
• Sports
• Conversation with friends

and occasionally, doing nothing.

Make a list of things that your child enjoys doing and next time you ask them to switch off the TV, suggest one of these activities. It may take a while to wean them off the TV, but once they really begin to enjoy the alternatives, it will be much easier. And MUCH better for them in the long run!

Help Your Child Overcome Shyness

Renuka is a mother of two kids, 3 year old son Rehan and 5 year old daughter Rachita who is extremely timid and shy. What worries her is that although Rachita has been attending school for the past six months she has not made any friends yet; she comes home complaining that no one plays with her and is not very keen to go to school. In front of strangers she is tongue tied and tends to cling to her mother outside home.

Rachita is just one of the many children who are shy .Shyness in children is quite natural but it shouldn't become an impediment in their personality development. Here are some ways in which parents can help their children overcome shyness and develop into confident and balanced individuals.

Why is it necessary to deal with Shyness in children
Though shy and timid children are easier to manage, extreme shyness, if not overcome early, can lead to a low self esteem in children and overall inhibition of personality development? Children, who do not overcome their shyness while growing up, become lonesome adults later with poorly developed social skills.

Causes of Shyness in Children
Shyness in children could be genetic or a learnt behavior. Majority of causes leading to shyness are related to how these children are nurtured while growing up. Here are some of the reasons for extreme shyness in children.

Extreme Emotional Sensitivity
Some children are born to be much more sensitive and vulnerable than others. They need to be handled delicately. Insensitivity to their feelings makes them go in to a shell. They are too scared to subject themselves to new things for fear of getting hurt.

Parents as Role Models
Children learn every thing through imitation. If parents themselves are not that outgoing and shy by nature, then shyness in their children is highly probable.

Insecurity
Insecurity can lead to shyness in children. Children who have abusive parents tend to be insecure and shy by nature.

Harsh Criticism by Parents
Another reason might be over critical and dominating parents. Children are pushed into a shell when they are criticized so much, that they fear making mistakes. This fear of making mistakes leads to shyness, as they want to shield themselves from criticism.

Low Confidence
Lack of self esteem and self confidence leads to shyness in children. This low confidence may have been induced by peer pressure, comparison with siblings or even bullying in school.

Prolonged Isolation
When a child is subjected to prolonged isolation from society, he/she never gets an opportunity to learn social cues and develop social interaction skills. When such a child is subjected to a social interaction suddenly, it makes him/her very uncomfortable and shy. That bad experience further lowers their confidence in social interaction, which isolates them even more.

What can parents do to help children overcome shyness?
The good news is that shyness in children can be successfully overcome. As parents, all that you need to do is to be patient and understanding .

Understand the reason why and in what situations the child is shy
Children are shy in different ways for different reasons.

Is your child shy in groups? At parties? Meeting new people? In novel situations? Or, pretty much everywhere? Does your child have trouble eating in public? Playing with other children? Making phone calls? Or, is your child only shy when s/he has to make a presentation in front of the class at school? Knowing the nature of you child's shyness will help you identify the specific skills your child needs to be more at ease in social situations.

Set an example for the child
Children learn a great deal through observing the behavior of parents and others. Parents who want their children to act more outgoing should themselves act outgoing whenever possible in front of the children.

Teach social skills early.
When it comes to social skills, the earlier you begin teaching them the better. The prevalence of shyness among children is believed to increase with age.
Encourage your child to meet new people and make friends. Give him an opportunity to know other people in family and school. Encourage participation is sports and other activities. Help the child practice interacting with others. Some children do not know what to say in certain situations, such as when they meet a new child. It's surprising how something as simple as helping your child learn to smile and say "hi" to other children can make a difference. Expose the child to unfamiliar settings and people. The more practice they get interacting with unfamiliar people the faster the shyness will decrease. Prompt the child to interact with others, in restaurants while ordering, at airports asking for information, or just thanking the shopkeeper.

Make Them Feel Secure
Shy people, tend to worry a lot. They are afraid things won't turn out the way they want them to and therefore avoid social interaction for fear of rejection. It's hard for a child to see that failure is a natural part of learning.

Parents need to make the child understand that it's okay to make mistakes. Let them feel secure and know that you are there for them. Make them understand that everybody fails at the start and it is okay if they take their own time in learning things. One of the most important things you can teach your children is that failure provides the feedback we need to become good at the things we choose to do. The ability to see failures as feedback---as information about what we need to do next---strengthens our confidence by reminding us that just because we didn't succeed at first, doesn't mean we won't succeed in the end

Help your child identify talents and hobbies that give them opportunities to grow
Encourage your children to develop passions early in life. Remember that the more things your children do in life, the more things they will have to share with other people and the easier it will be for them to connect. For a shy child, the ability to connect with another child is what they need to develop in order to overcome shyness.

• Identify activities that take advantage of your child's strengths. Is your child athletic? Artistic? Neat and organized? Good at math? Loves to read? Good at building things? What holds his/her attention? What is least likely to discourage him/her? And find activities that take advantage of those strengths.
• If your child is very shy and unwilling to attend group activities, start with solitary activities at first--like music lessons, arts and crafts projects out of books, practicing basketball in a hoop at home. Then, as your child gains more confidence, arrange opportunities for him/her to get guidance from other adults and gradually---to share his/her interest with children his/her own age.

For example teaching your child to kick a ball around the backyard might increase his/her confidence when playing with other children in the neighborhood and eventually lead to your child's willingness to consider joining the school football team. Or learning to play a musical instrument might start off as a solitary exercise, but lead to your child's playing in the school band. Encourage your child to share his/her expertise with others by performing, teaching, or just. showing his/her work. Many children benefit from the experience of teaching their skill to children who are younger than them.

Prevent labeling of the child as "shy".
Children who are told that they are shy tend to start thinking of themselves as shy and stop making any effort to change.

When in doubt seek professional help.
With sensitive and patient handling most children outgrow their shyness .However sometimes children maybe struggling with more than shyness , particularly if your child is challenged by a non-verbal learning disability or if you have a history of anxiety disorders, depression or substance abuse in your family - consider getting professional help.

Handling Your Teenager

A Survival Guide for Parents

If you have an adolescent at home you may at times feel like you are in a battlefield! The child who until recently was easy to manage suddenly seems to have turned into an unpredictable stranger - at least part of the time.

Here are few ways in which you can build up a stronger relationship with your child who is going through lot of physical and emotional changes.

Pick your battles.

Decide on the issues where you want to invest your time and emotional energies. Many teenagers complain that their parents sometimes nit pick about little things instead of letting them go. For example arguing with your adolescent over wearing clothes that are in fashion but seem unattractive to you causes unnecessary resentment over an issue that isn't really important. Instead if they wear clothes which are revealing and may create problems outside you can put your foot down.

In selecting your battle areas, you will also begin to realize that some issues, which seem important, actually don't matter very much in the long run. Therefore this helps you to eliminate a whole host of problems and you are left with the important ones to deal with.

Respect privacy

A boundary has to be drawn between yourself and your child who is growing towards independent youth. They have the right to privacy. This does not mean that they don't need parental supervision but this has to be within limits. For example, you shouldn't read their letters or diaries or listen to their telephone conversations. Instead encourage an open environment where he/ she feels free to share day to day experiences - and most important, respect her confidences.

Inform your adolescent and stay informed yourself

During the teens, curiosity leads to experimentation with sex, smoking, drinking, drugs and so on. You need to provide information to your child about the issues and the risk factors involved; so that your child acts responsibly when times comes. Be prepared to talk openly so that your child feels free to ask questions and share concerns.

Be informed about the happenings around and also be aware of your child's friends. Change is normal in adolescence but watch out for drastic or long lasting changes in his/her behavior or his/her personality.

Make appropriate Rules

Rules should be laid down keeping in mind the needs of the teenager and expectation of parents. They should be age-appropriate and rewarded for being followed. If you make a rule, for example that the whole family will eat dinner together, then a time should be fixed. If any person is not able to reach on time he should give a legitimate reason for it.

As far as possible reduce the number of rules. Your child needs to gradually be given more and more freedom, coupled with responsibility. This way, once he gets beyond adult control, he will no longer need it.

Enjoy your teenagers

While the teenage years have their share of problems, don't miss out on the positive side. Your child is now more mature and can talk to you sensibly like a real friend. He or she can take on more meaningful responsibilities, achieve many things and contribute helpfully to family life. You can have a lot of fun with your teenager! Even if you have not been so close with your kids upto now, it's never too late to work on improving the relationship.

Enjoy your youngsters while you still have them!

Am I a Good Father?

Today the word 'Dad' has a whole new meaning over what it meant 30 years ago. Today's father has moved much beyond being mere 'Figure Head', the provider, the protector, the person the kids looked up to but could never approach. The modern Dad takes an active role in raising his kids. Right from changing diapers, to dealing with his teenaged daughter's boyfriend issues he needs to be deeply involved.  While the expanded role is definitely a step in the right direction it doesn't come easy to most men. Many men are not comfortable with domestic duties or sharing feelings for that matter. Living up to the ideals of a modern father can create a lot of pressure. So what exactly does it take to be a Good Father if not a perfect one?

Being More than Provider Protector
Being part of your child's life does not mean that you stop being a 'provider', but that's not enough any more. To make a sufficient impact on your child's life you need to be sensitive to a few more things.

Be there for them
For you, to be a great 'Dad', the kids are not asking for all those expensive gifts and gizmos you shower them with. All they expect is for their Dad to be there for them. This means listening to them when they are sad or confused. It also means sharing in their triumphs and joys however small they may seem to you.

Spend more time with them and be a strong role model
The only way a child will get to know her father is by spending time with him. The way the father behaves, the language he uses, the way he treats other people shape the child's idea of a father. The child needs a strong role model to look up to. As much as you want to be proud of your kids, they want to be proud of their father too.

Strengthen the bonds by opening yourself
The relationship that a father shares with his kids holds a great significance in the person the kid will grow up to be as well as the choices he will make. The modern father unlike the dad of previous generations is not only able to connect with his sons but is able to bond with his daughter as well. It's important to realize that how men treat their wives or other women goes to shape how their daughters will look at men for the rest of their lives and how their sons will treat women.

Listen to your kids, get to know them
As a father, make sure you have time for your kids at every stage. Know who their friends are, what movies they like, what books they are reading, the music they are interested in, what is it they hate about school. In other words LISTEN. Put in your best. After all you wouldn't want to look back when the kids are grown and wish you had tried harder.

Help your child make friends

Spending time and playing with friends is an important way for children to learn social skills. Kids need to be encouraged by parents to make friends when they are 3 or 4, as at that time social interaction increases. Contact with the peer group makes the child more confident and facilitates learning rules like sharing, taking turns, exploring their own feelings and those of others.

Some children seem to make friends very easily while others need extra help in learning how to make and keep friends. With appropriate guidance, encouragement and assistance from parents, children can learn the social skills that are so essential through out life.

Several suggestions are given below. Work towards taking small and gentle steps that encourage positive social interaction without being very pushy.

• Call children over to your place and let them play with your kid. Start with the most familiar face so that the child does not find his presence threatening. Be ready for a mess. Create an environment in your home that attracts children. Try to get together with the same kids on a weekly basis. If things go well meet in a park or the other kid's house as well.
• Try to have regular playtime for your child. You should plan a time when your child has had a good nap and is ready to play. It should be a short and interesting outing with lots of physical activities.
• Plan activities for the children. Orient the playtime around games and activities your child enjoys and is good at. This will make him comfortable and keep him feeling good about himself. Encourage them to play games of hide and seek, read to each other or play board games or simply splash in a wading pool. Maximise the positive interaction by making sure there are plenty of materials, so children have enough to play with and don't necessary have to share right away.
• Involve yourself in the group activities. Don't just leave the kids to play by themselves and hope for the best. Your guidance can make children feel more at ease with each other, especially if they're new friends. Make yourself available in case they run into conflict, get distracted and stop playing together or need a change of activity. However, try not to dominate or fill in for your child; the idea is to help break the ice without taking control.
• At times play with your child alone. This allows you to stimulate interaction while getting to know his play style. While playing with your child, you can get a sense of where your child is struggling and when is it easy for him/her.
• Have your own friends over. Family interaction offers models of social behavior; so call your friends over. Include the children in your get-together. Have a double play time with a friend who has children.

 All this will help your child interact with others and slowly learn to enjoy the company of friends